I was smoking crack by myself in a Motel 6 bathroom in St. Louis, my hometown. I laughed to myself as I hit the pipe thinking of Whitney Houston saying, “Crack is whack!” Crack was whack. This was the first time I tried it. But crystal meth was my drug of no choice and I’d been using meth for about eight months. I was about to lose what little I hadn’t already lost. I heard a knock at my door. It was a detective and two police officers.
I had been a special education teacher. I worked with all levels of kids with special abilities. I loved them. I loved my job. But I didn’t love myself. I was in and out of unhealthy relationships with men and abused alcohol, sex and pills. When that stopped working, I found crystal meth and sex parties. It all filled the void of self-love and self-worth for a short while. Then, I got even sicker. I knew it was something more serious than drugs, depression, or common ailments. I found out I had contracted HIV. I figured I deserved it because of how I’d been treating myself. I used the new diagnosis as an excuse, and rationalize my using more. So I quit my teaching job, and found myself in a Motel 6, just down the street from the school I taught in.
I welcomed the police in and sat down on the bed. I felt so relieved. I had prayed to God to please help me and guide me out of the dark hole I’d crawled into. What I didn’t realize until later was the police that night were God’s answer to my prayer. It was a swift punch in my gut to stand up, make choices that will help me live, to ask for help, and start listening to others. Most of all, to continue to include my Higher Power in every day I am given. I don’t have to do this alone. This was my first spiritual experience in recovery and certainly not my last.
Today my mind and body have been free from drugs and alcohol for almost 18 months and I’m more aware of spiritual experiences in my life every day. I didn’t stay sober since that day at Motel 6. I had more learning to do. But it was the first step in my road to recovery; a road that eventually brought me to The Last Resort. It is at TLR that I am challenged to continually be a better man in recovery, a better employee, co-worker, friend, example and mentor. The guys that come to TLR teach me how similar we are and how cunning the disease of addiction truly is. Most of all, they remind me of where I was, how I don’t ever have to go back, and to keep a smile on my face because this new life is amazing.
– Steve B.
Tech at The Last Resort Recovery Center