There will always be people who resist change, threaten, and even sabotage your ability to improve your own life. You may have been your own worst enemy for a time, but perhaps other people helped you along the way by being toxic and negative influences. These people may resent your progress of any kind to move forward and heal. Perhaps they resent your improvement as it exposes their own shortcomings or are threatened by the idea of change. Whatever it looks like, you can learn to finally give toxic people in your life the boot with some helpful tips.
Identify Toxic People
Some people in life are difficult, demanding, or plain unpleasant. They are not ‘toxic,’ but they are undesirable to be around most of the time. Toxicity really exists on a spectrum. Tolerance for toxicity is relative to each person. You have to decide when someone requires distance and when they need to be cut from your life. Some people may:
- Try to control you and look to manipulate others
- They disregard your boundaries even when you told them what you need to be healthy
- They take without giving
- They are always ‘right’ and try to find ways to be right even if they have to manipulate people or things to be ‘right’
- Toxic people love to be victims and revel in feeling marginalized even when they are not
- Toxic people cannot take responsibility because they feel the world is always against them
- Toxic people are not honest and will lie, sneak around, or be dishonest as a pattern of life
Cutting Out Toxins
When dealing with people, it is easier said than done to cut them from your life when they are toxic. It is hard to reclaim time and energy that is spent on people like that because of the situation. It is easier to consider the following steps when trying to remove them from your life:
- It is always a process. They will likely never respect your boundaries or give you what you need. It takes time to distance yourself from them gradually for your own sanity
- You don’t owe an explanation. Tell them you don’t want them in your life any longer and this is what you want
- Block them on social media. Technology creates distance so they cannot follow you or leave windows open to see what you’re doing. Also shut down email and phone messages for less contact
- Write a letter if needed. Let them know you are clarifying your thoughts and articulating feelings. If you need to remember why you made a choice, remind them you are needing space to stay healthy and leave it at that
- Create distance not dissonance. If you are struggling with letting go. Remember they will bring you down with them. You can create distance from them and agree not to let them into your life so they cannot harm you
Cutting out family members may be harder than it looks. If you are struggling with this, it helps to try and keep a distance without telling them too much. If they ask what is going on just let them know you’ve been busy and you can find time privately to talk about it when you are ready, or want to bring others to the table to share concerns. This is your life, so try to make the most of it by not letting people dictate what you will and will not do with your time, especially where they are concerned.
The Last Resort provides a safe, supportive environment for men in a retreat-like setting. Nature is an important component of recovery and healing. We strive to provide a place of enrichment that cultivates the inner as well as the outer journey of recovery. However you find your way to the Last Resort, we endeavor to provide a haven where you can journey through recovery feeling like your life and story have meaning and a purpose. Call us to find out more: 512-750-6750.