Self-enforced social isolation, lack of support and pushing people away happens to many people, especially those who are survivors of PTSD or have struggled with addiction. These things happen because it is hard to navigate relationships while in the throes of addiction. Looking around at the people in your inner circle, you may not see anyone you want to hang out with now you’re in recovery, or at least need to assess whether their friendship is solid for you now. Find out why it helps to consider the quality of the people around you and what you can do to find healthier relationships.
There are reasons why it happens. In a frenemy situation, there is a feeling of not being good enough to have what you have and fear it being taken away. If you don’t feel good enough, you might end up with people who treat you poorly. When you are in the midst of addiction, you end up with people who are only there in the end to drink or do drugs with and not really be good friends. The good friends may be trying to get you to quit and it is likely you have not been taking their advice for quite some time. Friends should support each other, not take each other down. Your friendships are healthy if you:
- Look forward to seeing each other
- Feel good when you are with them
- Feel good after leaving them
- Feel empowered, not drained
If your friendships do not provide these for you, then it may be time to turn those frenemies into better friendships with people who are less toxic for you.
How to Let Go
Lessons in letting go can be hard earned, but time well spent. If you are struggling to let go, there are some tips to keep in mind:
- Recognize what you learned. If you were there for them and vice versa. Keep good memories in tact but realize most friendships don’t last forever and you outgrow them in recovery quickly
- Let go gently: determine if you want to keep your schedule full so you can honestly have a good reason to be unavailable or would prefer to walk away and not communicate. You can have a grownup conversation letting them know friendship is no longer a good fit
- Grieve the loss: you are going through a lot in recovery. If something is toxic, and needs eliminating, you need to give space for grieving. The reason you’re moving on is to stay healthy emotionally and mentally. If you feel hurt, anger, or betrayal, write it down. Get help processing the grief as you move forward
- Look ahead: future friendships are a great way to think about who you want in your circle. If you think about your frenemy, your energy will attract others like them. Practice switching focus to the positive things in life and work towards creating more positive energy in your life. This will send you on your way to new, healthy relationships
The last thing you need in recovery is negative people who drain your energy. Assessing friendships and frenemies can help determine whether you have people to let go from your inner circle. It may be necessary to cut them out so you can move forward. Don’t be afraid to reach out and seek help from counselors and support people who will help you learn to let go of those people who no longer serve you.
The Last Resort provides a safe, supportive environment for men in a retreat-like setting. Nature is an important component of recovery and healing. We strive to provide a place of enrichment that cultivates the inner as well as the outer journey of recovery. However you find your way to the Last Resort, we endeavor to provide a haven where you can journey through recovery feeling like your life and story have meaning and a purpose. Call us to find out more: 512-750-6750.