Sometimes it is burn out, sometimes it is something else but most people come to recognize they need boundaries when they have already been crossed. Sometimes they get crossed multiple times. When a person does not set personal boundaries, they need to get focused on what is important in their life and recovery by figuring out a way to set healthy boundaries for themselves.
Why Boundaries Matter
Some men come from a background of being a ‘nice guy’ people pleaser. The chances are that setting boundaries is hard from this standpoint because everyone can take advantage of you without you even stopping them. Low-self esteem can come from not setting personal boundaries. Emotional pain can come out of not setting personal boundaries. With more self-compassion, men can develop the ability to set boundaries, attract a higher quality of relationships, and stop playing petty games with others that keep them from being successful in their work and in life.
Figuring Out Boundaries
Boundaries are all about needs. They don’t have to make sense to anybody else. You likely need alone time if you are an introvert but most people don’t need endless amounts of time alone. The biggest thing is to get things sorted out for yourself and not worry about others. Boundaries are for you but also can help relationships become better. Some examples of needs that are supported by boundaries include:
- Needing alone time, regardless of others
- Needing someone who commits to being with you and your friend
- Needing someone to communicate clearly
- Needing to be treated with respect
These are just a few of the needs that can be expressed. If you are not clear with what your needs are, there are some ways to think about it in a different way than may be working for you right now if you don’t have good boundaries.
There is a process to learning how to set better boundaries. There is a framework that can support you if you are trying to figure out how to get started on setting boundaries. Some of the questions you need to ask yourself should start with “I” statements:
- “I need…” statements to focus on what your needs are
- Framing conversations around your personal needs
- Stating things from a place of love and respect for yourself, not out of neediness
- Let yourself make mistakes as you’re learning the process
If you are struggling with personal boundaries, that is okay. It is hard to learn after you’ve been so good at letting people walk all over you for awhile. Perhaps you have done the walking around on others bit and now it is time to learn how to keep yourself from stepping on top of others and hurting them in the process. In the end, you and others will be harmed by not setting personal boundaries. Find a way to forge a safe boundary that works for you and supports others’ needs. There are safe spaces to explore this in recovery and rehab. Take advantage of the opportunity to learn and grow in this new journey of recovery.
The Last Resort provides a safe, supportive environment for men in a retreat-like setting. Nature is an important component of recovery and healing. We strive to provide a place of enrichment that cultivates the inner as well as the outer journey of recovery. However you find your way to the Last Resort, we endeavor to provide a haven where you can journey through recovery feeling like your life and story have meaning and a purpose. Call us to find out more: 512-750-6750.