One of the hardest parts of recovery is learning to be master of your domain. You are also learning to be master of your emotions and life after addiction. This can feel overwhelming but, like new clothes, this new life takes time to get used to wearing. Poise is one way to carry yourself more confidently into recovery and with more focus on leading your life. Here are some tips for leading with poise.
Think About Others
Poise comes when we are less conscious of ourselves and more interested in others. A natural leader has power over others because they can sense he is thinking about them. Thinking about others helps you forget about yourself, gain some poise, and put your mind to work without being self-conscious. Expressions of appreciation are always helpful. You lose poise when you battle with others for control. Sometimes, the answer is ‘no’ and you have to accept that as the final word if they do or do not want your help. When you think of others and ask first, you’re able to acquiesce to them and focus on what needs to be done for someone else.
Think Twice Before Talking
Someone who has great poise often thinks first before speaking or acting. They plan for emergencies, what to do when they happen, and staying poised when they finally do happen. Salesmen prepare what to say when someone objects to their proposal or has questions. When people get angry or upset about something you said or did, you can learn how to hold your tongue to keep from making things worse. Stress can make it harder. Some tips:
- Take a moment to breathe in and out once or twice
- Collect your thoughts first
- Pause while talking
- Give room for the other person to interject so you do not keep running a stream of consciousness they cannot follow
Thoughtful speakers seldom lack poise. They think twice before they speak because they know they might say something harmful if they do not.
Take Deep Breaths
When people lose poise, it is often because they breathe quickly, then respond quickly. Deliberate breath stops your brain and body from overreacting. It is nearly impossible to feel flustered if you breathe slowly and deeply. When the other person’s voice climbs, it is because they are flustered. Two or more people who are flustered in conversation are likely to get into an argument. A word should be said about having quiet room for space to talk privately. Practice taking deep breaths so you can focus on what you’re saying before you say it.
Finally, the best thing you can do is learn how to communicate properly. Someone with poise learns to talk out their disappointment, frustration, and fears without name calling or making others feel worse. The best medicine in recovery is learning to speak your peace without harming others. This takes time because you may have gotten used to saying whatever you wanted without worrying about the consequences. Learning how to navigate recovery in a new way can help you heal the old wounds from the past and learn some new habits for being successful with friends, family, work, and in life in recovery.
The Last Resort provides a safe, supportive environment for men in a retreat-like setting. Nature is an important component of recovery and healing. We strive to provide a place of enrichment that cultivates the inner as well as the outer journey of recovery. However you find your way to the Last Resort, we endeavor to provide a haven where you can journey through recovery feeling like your life and story have meaning and a purpose. Call us to find out more: 512-750-6750.