Relationships are never easy, especially in recovery. We want to renew and rejuvenate some that have fallen by the wayside or fell apart as a result of addiction. We also want to feel less isolated and find new sober friendships and relationships. Being human means being vulnerable to ourselves and others while we pursue relationships. Find out why intimacy and vulnerability can be key to creating long-lasting, healthy relationships.
Growing up, people have a need to feel safe, heard, and valued. Vulnerability comes from feeling like they matter and what they desire matters. With avoidant or distant relationships, these may not form secure attachments as children. Anxious attachments come from scanning for hints of discord and losing trust within ourselves. Misunderstandings and friction rise up even when things are good but difficult feelings are often the result of unmet feelings such as a need to feel loved or connected to someone. A longing may arise but is not satisfied. Life and relationships go better when vulnerability is available for everyone involved.
Intimacy comes from allowing yourself to feel what you want to feel without it feeling quashed. You do not have the right to hurt other people but you have the right to feel within your feelings, even if you don’t want to visualize yourself putting yourself in that position. You may try putting feelings of the distance around it so you can sort through it. When you are gentle with that inner child, you develop less shame and more empathy. You are less scared of yourself. Developing relationships with the place inside you that feels insecure helps you feel stronger and more secure. You then build stability by not avoiding or denying your basic rights.
Security and security come from knowing you are loved unconditionally, no matter what. This hard to do when you struggle with addiction because you may have hurt those relationships that were there for you from the beginning and believed in you. They believed in the power of your own work to do what was right. Perhaps they believed you were going to do the best thing for other people and finally seek help, only to find you kept going to people who gave you drugs or alcohol and you were not able to stop. If you are in recovery, you can rebuild intimacy with rebuilding trust. Start with figuring out a list of who you hurt and start making amends. At some point in recovery, there will be people who believe you and start to honor the fact you came to them and are willing to make things right. Work on those relationships and build them as strong as possible. They will likely be with you for the long haul.
The Last Resort provides a safe, supportive environment for men in a retreat-like setting. Nature is an important component of recovery and healing. We strive to provide a place of enrichment that cultivates the inner as well as the outer journey of recovery. However you find your way to the Last Resort, we endeavor to provide a haven where you can journey through recovery feeling like your life and story have meaning and a purpose. Call us to find out more: 512-750-6750