Addiction Treatment

The Tendency To Blame Others for Your Alcoholism

Written By:

Becky Babb

The Tendency To Blame Others for Your Alcoholism

When something goes wrong — horribly wrong — it makes us feel horrible. When we feel horrible, we desperately want to channel those emotions somewhere. All of us, especially addicts, do this.

The Vicious Cycle

Even if you know, deep down, that your disease is nobody’s fault, the temptation to blame someone is strong, and the mental fog that alcoholism creates can make it hard to think clearly and resist. Children and spouses of alcoholics hear it a lot: “I drink because you nag me,” “I drink because you don’t love me anymore,” “I drink because this,” “I drink because that.” In reality, no matter how the sentence finishes, it is never a reasonable excuse for drinking. After hearing the blame so many times, for so many years, families and friends often start to believe it themselves. Not only does this make the person being blamed feel horrible—sometimes for their whole lives—but the cycle of blame keeps the alcoholic from ever realizing the real root of their problem, let alone face it.

Is It Okay to Drink After Tragedy?

Telling someone not to drink after they’ve just experienced a death in the family, a nasty breakup, or a morbid medical diagnosis can feel nervy, but in reality, no matter how real and serious a problem may be, getting drunk is never a solution. Serious family problems like abuse, neglect, or mental illness should be handled by seeking out professional help either to fix or cope with the problems that have arisen.

So Who Is Responsible?

You. And you have to realize that. You have a disease, sure, and for that nobody can blame you. However, it is up to you to decide whether or not to seek out treatment. Letting go of resentment can seem impossible—after all, you know those people deserve it—but in treatment, you’ll learn how. Learning why your blame tendencies don’t make sense makes the those thought-processes much easier to avoid, and the real, internal causes for your behavior much easier to recognize—and face.

Issues, annoyances, and struggles between families and friends are an unfortunate reality for pretty much everyone. Some children struggle with grades, some siblings fight, and some parents quarrel over money or custody for months and years on end. Life can be frustrating and hopeless-seeming a lot of the time, but drinking our worries away, and making those issues even worse, is never a warranted response. If you think someone you know is suffering from alcoholism, give us a call: 512.575.4071.

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